75+ Philosophical Quotes On Funny Mom | Free Hd Background Images Download

Many famous people have shared their valuable thoughts about Funny Mom which you will find here together. You may have heard these renowned quotes about Funny Mom before. The people, whom these quotes came from also felt end experienced life like us and that’s why you will find similarities with your inner thoughts with them. After reading you will understand that their thoughts are quite as same as ours because they are also human and just like us. They belong to the same perspective of observing life as we do. So, what are you thinking? Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. You are scrolling through the most positive quotes and images about Funny Mom that are wise and true to life. For you, we have created this collection that consists of Funny Mom sayings coming from different sources of the internet.

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1. “Children are a great comfort in your old age – and they help you reach it faster, too” – Lionel

2. “Neurotics build castles in the air; psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.” – Rita Rudner

3. “My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.” – Rodney Dangerfield

4. “My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That’s how she learned how to swim. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.'” – Paula Poundstone

5. “The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.” – Dorothy Parker

6. “I know how to do anything I’m a mom.” – Roseanne Barr

7. “You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.” – Dave Barry

8. “Nobody loves me but my mother, And she could be jivin’ too.” – B. B. King

9. “My mom’s favorite Stevie Wonder song is, “I Just Called to Say Someone You Don’t Know Has Cancer.”” – Damien Fahey

10. “If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says ‘keep away from children.” – Susan Savannah

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11. “My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.” – Tim Allen

12. “My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.” – Bob Monkhouse

13. “I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.” – Calvin

14. “Delusions are often functional. A mother’s opinions about her children’s beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.” – Robert A. Heinlein

15. “I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.” – Rita Rudner

16. “I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, Steven, time to go to sleep. I said, ‘But I don’t know how. She said, ‘It’s real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left. So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said i thought I told you to go to sleep.” – Steven Wright

17. “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” – Calvin Trillin

18. “As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.” – Oscar Wilde

19. “I am sitting here looking at the most amazing person I have ever seen, smart, funny, caring, and absolutely stunning! Yes, I am looking in the mirror!” – Ash Sweeney

20. “The way I feel, if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, I’ve done my job.” – Roseanne Barr

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21. “Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare.” – Ed Asner

22. “I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract. The baby and I only have a verbal agreement.” – Tina Fey

23. “So thank you for reminding me about the importance of being a good mom and a great volunteer as well.” – George W. Bush

24. “I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can’t find me until after high school.” – Anon

25. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller

26. “The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.” – Kin Hubbard

27. “It’s not over until the fat lady sings, but even after she sings, packs up and goes home, my mom will still be saying goodbye to me on the phone.” – Just Lamenting

28. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck

29. “If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base.” – Dave Barry

30. “When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.” – Jeff Shaw

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31. “My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett

32. “A sweater is a garment worn by a child when the mother feels chilly.” – Barbara Johnson

33. “A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children; obstetrically once and by car forever after.” – Peter De Vries

34. “A mother need only step into the shower to be instantly reassured she is indispensable to every member of her family.” – Lynne Williams

35. “Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small, and only half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.” – Rebecca Richards

36. “One time I ran out of the store and took the bus home by myself after my mother asked a sales clerk where the ‘underpants’ counter was. Everyone in the store heard her. I had no choice.” – Phyllis Theroux

37. “My sister said one: ‘Anything I don’t want Mother to know, I don’t even think of, if she’s in the room.'” – Agatha Christie

38. “I love it when mothers get so mad they can’t remember your name. ‘Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga…what is your name, boy? And don’t lie to me, because you live here, and I’ll find out who you are.'” – Bill Cosby

39. “No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.” – Florida Scott-Maxwell

40. “I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud’s Chamber of Horrors and one of the attendants said ‘keep her moving sir, we’re stocktaking.'” – Les Dawson

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41. “Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.” – Hurbert Murphy

42. “I can always tell when the mother-in-law is coming to stay-the mice throw themselves on the traps.” – Les Dawson

43. “A mother is not a person to lean on, nut a person to make learning unnecessary.” – Dorothy Canfield Fisher

44. “The future destiny of the child is always the work of the mother.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

45. “Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.” – Aristotle

46. “The phrase ‘working mothers’ is redundant.” – Jane Sellman

47. “Blaming mother is just a negative way of clinging to her still.” – Nancy Friday

48. “The story of a mother’s life: Trapped between a scream and a hug.” – Cathy Guisewite

49. “Before becoming a mother, I had a hundred theories on how to bring up children. Now I have seven children and only one theory: Love them, especially when they least deserve to be loved.” – Kate Samperi

50. “Anyone who doesn’t miss the past never had a mother.” – Gregory Nunn

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51. “Be like duck,’ my mother used to tell me. ‘Remain calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath.'” – Michael Caine

52. “My mother used to tell me that ‘man gives the award, God give the reward.’ I don’t need another plaque'” – Denzel Washington

53. “I’ve seen diapers, and my mother is right. ‘What’s in the poo-poo is like the Bible: The truth is in there.'” – Celine Dion

54. “Why the grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy–the mother.” – Claudette Colbert

55. “I’d asked my mother what she did during the war when her flat was blown up. She remembered taking a bottle of shocking perfume, by Schiaparelli. She said, ‘When there’s nothing left, you stick to the superfluous.'” – Jane Birkin

56. “Motherhood is a journey. Yet while becoming a mother is a path that is well worn, navigated by billions of women across the globe throughout human history, the experience is brand new for each woman every time a baby enters this world.” – Jill Kozio

57. “Motherhood is an adventure that defies explanation; you just have to experience it for yourself.” – Jill Kozio

58. “Motherhood is the ultimate opportunity to learn the lesson of surrender. The more rigid you are, the harder the process is.” – Cherie Carter-Scott

59. “Motherhood may force you to find a new way to define yourself.” – Cherie Carter-Scott

60. “As a mother, you will of necessity give birth to the motherhood mindset that for a time will act like the North Star in orienting your path in life.” – Daniel N. Stern

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61. “As the practical realities of life demand more of you attention, the motherhood mindset will recede.” – Daniel N. Stern

62. “You always been your mother’s daughter, and this relationship, whether good or bad, has always been near the center of your identity.” – Daniel N. Stern

63. “All mothers want validation for their identity, and to that end you will probably find yourself developing support network.” – Daniel N. Stern

64. “Motherhood will also mold you in unexpected, amazing ways, but becoming a mama doesn’t mean leaving the woman you are behind.” – Jill Koziol

65. “Pregnancy is about more than simply growing a baby. It’s about becoming a mama.” – Jill Koziol

66. “Motherhood changes you long before the baby is born.” – Jill Koziol

67. “Motherhood is about defining an experience as any human being can undergo.” – Danielle Crittenden

68. “Even is motherhood has been a lifelong desire, once it arrives, many women find themselves feeling lost somewhere who they were before and who they think they should be now.” – Alexandra Sacks

69. “The older I get the more of my mother I see in myself.” – Betty Friedan

70. “As we carry our baby inside us, we know almost nothing about it that distinguishes it from anyone’s baby-except that we love it unlike any other baby.” – Roni Jay

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71. “Making a decision to have a child-it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” – Elizabeth Stone

72. “Life is always rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or to hatch.” – E.B. White

73. “When a woman, gives birth her waters break and she pours out the child and the child runs free.” – Jeanette Winterson

74. “For nine months I grew a human being inside my belly and then I pushed it out my vagina and now I’m feeding it with my boob. Biology is so…weird.” – Heather Armstrong

75. “Life is a flame that is always burning itself out, but it catches fire again everytime a child is born.” – George Bernard Shaw

76. “Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.” – Erma Bombeck

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