22+ Funny Father’s Day Quotes For Dad | HD Pictures & Images

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Hilarious Happy Fathers Day Quotes And Funny One-Liners

• I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war. – George W. Bush
• To be a successful father, there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years. – Ernest Hemingway
• I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. – Rodney Dangerfield
• I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day. If it was socially acceptable I’d be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and like a cage across his face mask. – Will Arnett
• Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business. – Jimmy Fallon
• He has always provided me a safe place to land and a hard place from which to launch. – Chelsea Clinton
• She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon. – Groucho Marx
• When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, Daddy, will you take me to the zoo? He answered, If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you. – Jerry Lewis
• When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape. – Dave Attell
• Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. – Bill Cosby

Funny Father’s Day Quotes And Jokes From Daughter And Son For Dad

• I gave my father $100 and said, Buy yourself something that will make your life easier. So he went out and bought a present for my mother. – Rita Rudner
• Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. – Jack Handey
• I have mixed emotions when I receive my Fathers Day gifts. I’m glad my children remember me. I’m disappointed they think I dress like that. – Mike Dugan
• I just sit there and makeup songs and sing to [my son] in gibberish. I’m very good at gibberish now. – Elton John
• The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. – Bertrand Russell
• You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out. – Jerry Seinfeld
• My daughter got me a World’s Best Dad mug. So we know she’s sarcastic. – Bob Odenkirk
• My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. – Spike Milligan
• There should be a children’s song: If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep. – Jim Gaffigan
• For Father’s Day, we got my dad a t-shirt that says do not resuscitate. He wears it whenever mom takes him to the ballet. – Greg Tamblyn
• Fathers Day, when you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools. – David Letterman
• Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. – Red Buttons
• Just once on Father’s Day, I wish my kids would give me a #1 Dad mug instead of one with my actual ranking. – Andy Borowitz